dandelions.

i havn't been on xanga in such a long time.
sometimes, things just escape my memory.

i've been on a music rampage these passed few days.
finding songs that i've truly fallen in love with.
and new artists, which i havn't heard of before.

1. priscilla ahn

2. rosi golan

3. meiko

4. the weepies

5.angus & julia stone

6. james morrison

7. joshua radin

8. bright eyes

and with their love

they moved the world

i love the rain.

 it reminds me of you.

a private conversation.

H: something has been bothering me for the longest time. and i feel as if i need to tell you this. so let me finish before you respond. i feel as if ive been played. it really hit me the other day in class when you told michael* that lucy* was your girlfriend. at that point i felt so stupid for believing that what was going on was okay. and please dont tell me i had the wrong idea by assuming that there was something going on between us. there were a million signs. the "sweethearts" and the "my dear"s and "your so cute, sometimes i can barely stand it." i liked to believe i was being pursued but thats no the case. i feel as if you have been lying to me. and dont tell me that i knew you had a girlfriend, because i was utterly confused about the situation. you said one time that she was your "girlfriend at the time" when you explained to me about your fight. you also said you work with your ex girlfriend. so dont tell me that i assumed wrong here. i just, idk, this is all way ove my head, and i wish i knew what was going on. ive been meaning to tell you this for the passed couple of days, if you havnt noticed how upset ive been with you lately. maybe your just like this with every girl and im just an idiot for thinking anything of it. you tell me.

J: honestly, i feel awful about this whole thing too. and youre exactly right about everything. i did give you a million signs. i called you sweetheart and all of those other things and that was NOT fair for me to do to you. and i am anything BUT proud of it. i dont say those things to any girl. i really only use them to girls that i think are special enough to hear them. and you fit that perfectly. but now i have to explain myself. the truth about the relationship i have with lucy* is that it is VERY off and on. for about a month or so, we were off. and thats when i really did start persuing you. because you area VERY sweet girl. lucy* and i started dating again last saturday. but i didnt let you know that. that wasnt fair at all to you. and im ashamed of doing that to you. im so sorry. you deserve to be treated better, and i pulled a dick move on you. i would LOVE for you to forgive me and for us to stay friends. but i completely understand if thats not what you want.

H: thats all i wanted. an apology. thank you. i just wish you would have let me known sooner.

J: i do too. i really wish my life was less hectic so i could devote more time to you...and drop everything and everyone else.

H: this has really been upsetting me. like i just wanted you to tell me this...like 3 days ago. i dont think you would have said anything until i had the balls to tell you. that hurts too.

J: youre right. i probably wouldnt have. im sorry for that too. you deserve so much better.

H: no dont say that. ugh..so emotional. did you not notice the other day in class when we watched that movie that i was like, crying. because i had no idea what was going on regarding me/you. it made me sad to think that you were right there...and i couldnt just talk to you.

J: yes i noticed. i could feel it vibing off you. i hated every minute of it

H: me too. sorry i put you through that. ive been trying to act like everythings okay. i didnt want to look like the victim. but i just had to tell you or i would have exploded.

J: im glad you did. and please dont be sorry, youve done absolutely nothing wrong.

H: im glad too. that we talked about this. im exhausted. i just want you to be happy. so if this is the way to go, so be it. im just happy to be your friend.

J: im happy i didnt end up losing you.

this was a private conversation i had with my friend; all the names have been changed. we have been talking for a while. on day in class i overheard him tell someone that he had a girlfriend. i was a mess. he ignored me for the next couple of days. every time i saw him, i just wanted to just go to sleep and forget everything ever happened. i finally plucked up the courage to ask him what was going on.

we have never been this close.

breathe.

i see your face in my mind as i drive away
cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
people are people and sometimes we change our minds
but its killing me to see you go after all this time

music starts playin like the end of a sad movie
its the kinda ending you dont really wanna see
cause its tragedy and it will only bring you down
now i dont know what to be without you around

and we know its never simple, never easy
never a clean break, no one here to save me
youre the only thing i know like the back of my hand

and i cant breathe
without you, but i have to
breathe
without you, but i have to

never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
every little bump in the road i tried to swerve
people are people and sometimes it doesnt work out
nothing we say is gonna save us from the fallout

and we know its never simple, never easy
never a clean break, no one here to save me
youre the only thing i know like the back of my hand

and i cant breathe
without you, but i have to
breathe
without you, but i have to

its two am, feelin like i just lost a friend
hope you know its not easy, easy for me
its two am, feelin like i just lost a friend
hope you know its not easy, easy for me

and we know its never simple, never easy
never a clean break, no one here to save me

i can breathe
without you, but i have to
breathe
without you, but i have to
breathe
without you, but i have to

im sorry